Ah Beng's flight to Singapore - A Painful Experience!!

During a flight to Singapore, Ah Beng had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

Sensing the urgency to answer the call of nature and couldn't do anything but wait, Ah Beng starts to get frustrated and bang at the door of the men's restroom "WTF man.....who is inside the restroom for so long ahhh.....ehhh you Lau Sai until you fainted izzit.....Nar Beh.....come out lar.....toilet for people to pee and shit....not to sleep inside!!".

The flight attendant noticed Ah Beng making a din and went to cool Ah Beng down. Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

Ah Beng replied, "Really ah.....okok miss.....don't worry.....i Pa Tor Thia already.....i go Pang Sai first".

Saying that....Ah Beng dashed into the ladies restroom and did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Ah Beng then thought to himself, "Wahhh.....ladies restroom so high tech one ahhh.....really got a lot of buttons ler.....KNN this airlines really bias lah.....but who would know if i touch the buttons.....hahahah.....i don't care.....since i'm here already.....i'm gonna enjoy.....hiek hiek hiek"

Ah Beng couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. "Wahhhh.....song ahh.....song ahhh....what a nice feeling", he thought. "Why Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this?!......Ka Na Sai!!"

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. Ah Beng lets out a soft moan "Uhhhhhh.....this feeling damn orgasmic man.....aiseh.....i'm coming here to Pang Sai again the next time.....Si Beh Muar Yi"

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. "Eeeeiiikkk....this feeling so geli.....hahaha.....hahahah.....*pants*.....but i like.....hiek hiek.....now i know why ladies spend such a long time in this restroom......*smirks*", says Ah Beng.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, Ah Beng couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as he opened his eyes.

A nurse was staring down at him with a smile on her face. "Ehhhh....What happened? Where am I?" Ah Beng exclaimed.

"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.

"The last button marked ATR was an AutomaticTampon Remover. Your balls are in the bucket under the bed!!!!"

Muahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The End-

Mr Rabbit Exercise!!

Hey peeps.....its been a long time since i've left my blog idle without any new postings. I've been busy for the past few weeks but now i'm back to share with you guys this simple yet effective exercise methods demonstrated by MR RABBIT!! Haha....hope u guys enjoy... :P


1st Step: Warming Up

sam fu kap~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kap hei~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
fu hei~~~~~~~~~~~
ok. now can FONG PEI~~~~
(must read in cantonese)


2nd Step: Stretching

pom cak cak pom cak cak.......


3rd Step: The upper body exercise



4th Step: The lower body exercise (move to left and back)



5th Step: The lower body exercise (move to right and back)



6th Step: Head exercise (make sure you do this part, it works!!)

I got TIT TAO GONG!!!
ai...cah~~~~~~~~


7th Step: Whole body exercise
Lvl 1


Lvl 2


Lvl 3

I wanna buang all SUI HEI....


8th Step: Jumping exercise: The Pose is the key! But remember to jump!



Final Step: Relaxing your body
Lvl 1


Lvl 2


Lvl 3 Over: Well Done!!

money money come.....
money money come.......

Reminder: Must follow all the steps ya.............

-The End-

What happens when Ah Beng goes to night class??

This is a story of Ah Beng going to night class…..pls read below…..

One day during work, Ah Beng and Ah Seng were chatting:

Ah Beng: Ehhh Ah Seng, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. I got a feeling I’m smarter and wiser now…..hahaha!! So you don’t Prey-Prey hah….

Ah Seng: Ohhhh!! Cun bor…..you go to night class then become smarter? Mai gong lar….people like you go night class for 1 year also no use!! Still stupid one lar!! Buahahaha….

Ah Beng: KNNB CCB…..you don’t look down on me worrr…Ma Hai!! You don’t believe izzit?!Okkkk….I ask you a question see you can answer bor?!

Ah Seng: Let your horse come larrrrr…….

Ah Beng: Ok I ask you, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Errrrrr….mmmm…..don’t know lar….who ler?
Ah Beng: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. See….now you look like mountain turtle….Buahahahaha.

The next day, the same discussion took place:
Ah Beng: Oiiii…Ah Seng, I ask you another question. Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Don’t know lar…..don’t know lar…..(sounds irritated)
Ah Beng: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. See I told you I’m smarter now….hiek hiek hiek hiek hiek....(snorts).

The next day, once again:
Ah Beng: Ehhh….Ah Seng….I asked you ahhh….do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: CB…..don’t ask me all this stupid Ang Mo questions ok….how I know lar? (feeling offended)
Ah Beng: Aiyoh stupid….He's the author of "Confessions", I told you mah…..if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Ah Seng got really pissed and said: "Ok….then I ask you, do you know who is Simon Ching?"
Ah Beng: Simon Ching ah…..don’t know ler…..who ah…who ah?? Wahhh….you bue steady lar….secretly go to night class to learn this then come and ask me….naber!!!
Ah Seng: You idiot lar…..Simon Ching is the guy enjoying with your wife every night when you go to night class!! If you stop night courses, you would know this lar…..stupid!!


Buahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RICH DAD, POOR DAD (By Robert Kiyosaki)

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is a story about how Kiyosaki grew up learning life’s lessons from his real dad (the poor dad), and his friend, Michael’s dad (the rich dad). Poor dad was a PHD holder and the Head of the Educational Department in a teaching institution drawing a good pay, but retired with little money as he did not know how to make his money grow. Rich dad on the other hand dropped out in the 8th grade but managed to amass a fortune through buying businesses and investing.

The book is not a step-by-step guide to acquiring wealth. If you are hoping to become rich by applying these ideas, forget it. Read another. There are plenty to choose from in the market. It is more of a motivational book, one that sets out to change your mindset and your attitude. For example one of the lessons of the story is how ‘assets’ and ‘liabilities’ are viewed. An asset is something that puts money in your pocket, a liability is something that takes money out of your pocket. Unlike what most people think, Kiyosaki asserts that buying a house is a liability because it is not earning money for you. On the other hand, buying a business is an asset because it can make money for you. A dollar invested is a dollar earned. If it sets you thinking about how you have managed your money or how you are going to manage your money, then it has done a good job.

These are some of the lessons that can be gleaned from the book :

1. The poor (P) and middle class (M) work for money, the rich have money working for them.

2. The rich buy assets, the (P) and (M) acquire liabilities. What the (P) and the (M) think of as assets are liabilities: buying a house, buying a new car, new furnishing for the house, etc.

3. The rich get richer as they make their money grow and work for them while the P and the M continue to work for more money to pay off their liabilities.

4. Rich people explore opportunities and take calculated risks, the P and the M hide behind the security of their pay checks that blunt their desire ability to strike out on their own..

5. People who want to succeed surround themselves with successful people.

6. Wealth is measured by net worth, not by income. As Kiyosaki says, if you stop working today, how long can you survive? Your assets will continue to support you, your liabilities will kill you.

7. You can never have too much money.

8. Always make sure that your asset is more than your liabilities.

9. A house is not an asset, it is a liability. It does not generate wealth. Instead it eats into your income. Don’t be “house rich cash poor”.

10. Generating wealth is like planting a tree. Once its roots are firmly dug in, it grows by itself and provides you with shade.

11. A true luxury is one that you buy from the earnings of your assets, not from your credit card.

12. It is not how much you make that is important, but what you save and invest.

13. He who has the financial muscles makes the rules.

14. If you know how money works, you make money work for you, but if you don’t know how money works, you spend the rest of your lives working for money. If you fail, don’t blame others for your failures.

SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE!

Another joke to share with you guys before I post the next book review!! Enjoy yah!!

An elderly couple went to watch a contest for the strongest bull.

After the contest they went to the 3rd prize bull's owner, wanting to know what his secret was.

The woman asked; "How do you make your bull so strong?"

The owner said; "You have to make sure the bull makes love once a week."

The woman turned to her husband and said; "See!"

The old man was displeased but said nothing.

They then went to the 2nd prize bull's owner and the old woman asked the same question, to which the owner replied; "You must make sure your bull makes love 2 or 3 times a week."

Again the woman turned to her husband and said; "See! See!"

The old man was annoyed but remained silent.

They then went to the 1st prize bull's owner and again the old woman asked the same question. The reply was; "You must make sure your bull makes love at least once every day."

The woman turned to her husband and said; "See! See! See!"

This time the old man got angry and asked the owner; "But does your bull always make love to the same cow?"

The owner replied; "No, no. Many many cows."

The old man quickly turned to the old woman and said; "SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE!"

Buuaahahahahahahahahhaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

HOW THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY!!!

Sorry guys.....had been quite busy lately!! Got no time to update my post, but here is a joke that i wanna share with you guys before i post the next book review.


*** (Ah Pek is just an oldman in chinese)

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese Community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese Community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Pek to represent them.

Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate. "To make it more interesting", he said, "Neither side would be allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.

Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.

Ah Pek pull out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around The Pope asking him what happened?. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us." He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He then showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Ah Peh, "First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was leaving."

"Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Ah Pek, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"

-The End-

HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU (By Liel Lowndes)

It is that time of the week for my second two cents’ worth of views on Leil Lowndes’ book. It covers 85 techniques. Lowndes claims that her techniques on making anyone fall in love with you are based on scientific findings. The book contains numerous references to studies in human and animal behaviours in the mating game. In contrast to many writers on sexuality who focus on techniques and the erotic spots of men and women, Lowndes says the brain is the most erotic organ. Stimulate, excite and caress that organ “to create a lifelong erotic aura”. It is the mind games that the sexes play out repeatedly that stoke and sustain sexual pleasure and intensity. She calls it brain fellatio. To put it succinctly, keep the channels of communication, verbal and nonverbal, open on all fronts.

I will pick out a few techniques so that you can have a peek at what is inside the 318 page book. But first the physical sensation of love.

The physical sensation of love
When a person falls in love the body secretes a chemical, phenylethyalmine, or PEA that makes his heart pound, his hands sweat and his insides go funny. How do you induce the release of PEA in your quarry? How do you ignite love at first sight in your quarry?

Make eyes at your quarry
It is eye contact. There are four eye techniques that work: the intense gaze, the bedroom eyes, the sticky eyes and the visual voyage.

Technique 1: the intense gaze: when conversing with your quarry, lock eyes with him or her to give the impression that you are in love with her.

Technique 2: the bedroom eyes: allow your eyes to focus on the most attractive part of his or her face. This will cause the pupils to expand. According to Lowndes, ethnologists even have a name for it: the copulatory gaze. Finnish researchers have found that when the male baboon’s first look was directed at the female’s private parts, only five ejaculations occurred. However, when he first gazed into her eyes before taking a peek at her ‘yoni’, twenty-one ejaculations occurred.

Technique 3: the sticky eyes: let your eyes stay glued to her all the time.

Technique 4: the visual voyage: as you and your quarry are talking, let your eyes travel over her face and if she seems to enjoy it, let your eyes move further down. But beware! “You're cruising into dangerous seas and can sink the ship if your eyes travel too far south and vacation there too long”.

The art of pickup
How do you approach your potential love partner when you think that he or she is the one for you? Hunters, make your move fast before some one else does. Lock eyes with her to signal your interest. If she looks away, don’t lose heart. According to Lowndes, a study on flirtation patterns shows that when a woman looks away and then looks up again 45 seconds later, she is interested. Give her a warm smile and move within range to talk to her. Huntress, do not think that the man should make the first move. Research also shows that women make the first move in two-thirds of the encounters. Quoting a research on animal behaviours, she says “A female chimpanzee in heat will spot her Quarry, ‘stroll up to the male, and tip her buttocks toward his nose to get his attention. Then she'll actually pull him up to his feet to copulate’. This behavior is known as female proceptivity. Female proceptivity (as opposed to receptivity) is not unknown to our species, although we are, I should hope, a little less obvious”.

How do women make their first move?
Lowndes lists in descending order of success the results of a study by Monica Moore on how women successfully make the first move:

1. Smile at him broadly
2. Throw him a short, darting glance
3. Dance alone to the music
4. Look straight at him and flip your hair
5. Keep a fixed gaze on him
6. Look at him, toss your head, and then look back
7. "Accidentally" brush up against him
8. Nod your head at him
9. Point to a chair and invite him to sit
10. Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck
11. Lick your lips during eye contact
12. Primp while keeping eye contact with him
13. Parade close to him with exaggerated hip movement

Huntress, you should know what to use.

SOFTEN YOUR QUARRY
After the initial move,

S - smile as you are listening to your quarry.

O - open your body. Face your quarry fully, with arms opened in a relaxed manner.

F - lean forward or stand or sit closely to indicate your attraction the quarry

T - touch your quarry’s arm or hand “accidentally”.

E - maintain eye contact.

N - Nod your head to show interest or agreement.

The first conversation
Conservation is like making love; it is like selling according to Lowndes. You have to know the right buttons to hit and pitch your sale accordingly. An example from Lowndes shows how to turn a conversation to your advantage:

Suppose, gentlemen, while walking home from work, a sudden rainstorm breaks out. You dart for the nearest shelter, a coffee shop. You go in, shake yourself off, and, as you sit down, you spot striking Ms. Attractive Stranger on the next stool. You clear your throat and take a chance.

''Wow," you say. "Looks like it's going to be some storm out there, huh?"

She turns toward you and seems receptive. "Sure does."

You are groping for something else to say. "Uh, do you come here often?"

Your Quarry seems amused at your line, but still interested. "No, not too often." She smiles. "I stopped in here for a hot coffee to get out of the rain."

You venture, "Yeah, it's really coming down, isn't it?" Well, it might not be brilliant, but it keeps the conversation going.

"Oh, well." Your Quarry shrugs. "At least it's good for the plants."

You both look out the window momentarily and then back at each other. You smile. Your Quarry gives you a forced smile. Then neither of you can think of anything else to say, so you both stare back into your coffee cups. End of possible love affair.

What went wrong? Lowden says the man missed ‘the cherry’ that was there. Where is the cherry in the exchange above? Plants. The woman evidently had something going for plants. The conversation could have gone on to a more interesting level had he spotted ‘the cherry’.

If you are still interested, read for yourself. The book is filled with anecdotes and stories that illustrate many of her techniques and are captivating in themselves.